I’m on my way to work waiting for the bus. I’m an hour later than usual because I just had an appointment with the guy from the moving company. I’m lost in thoughts as always. Then I suddenly see something black moving towards me from the corner of my right eye. “Oh nooooo”, I think when I realize what it is, but it’s too late to escape. He’s already standing right next to me wearing a huge grin on his face so I can see his crooked teeth. It’s my personal stalker whose company I’ve had to share for a couple of endless weeks now.
It all started with a friendly nod. Then we quickly moved on to hello, a stage in which we luckily stayed for a while. Until the day he finally found the courage to talk to me. Despite me trying to keep our interaction as little as possible, putting on my grumpiest face and staring on the ground when he was close and finally hiding behind corners when there was a chance he could be waiting for the same bus. As hard as I was trying to prevent it, I had to face the unpreventable.
So now I was standing here with stalker guy and the bus was stopping right in front of us. I had no choice but to get on. Of course, he sat down next to me. “I like to sit in driving direction, too”, he explained.” Suuuuure! I took out my phone to check some stuff on the internet. I’d just visited my usual sites at home, but there was nothing wrong about checking them again.
“You’re late for work today”, stalker guy says.
“I had an appointment with the moving company”, I reply busily staring at my phone.
“Ah, so it’s getting closer.” He does sound a bit disappointed.
“3 weeks”, I say.
“Are you moving on your own or with your boyfriend?” Uhoh, someone is having some courage here! I think about lying to him. I have a heartbraking story of a boyfriend living in Japan all set up, but I decide it’s not the right time yet to tell it.
“I’m living alone”, I say.
The bus ride is taking awfully long. I soon run out of things to check on my phone, so I put it away and stare out of the window. I turn my head as far to the right as I can, so it should be clear even to him that I’m trying to ignore him. I can feel him getting uneasy next to me. Suddenly, he starts to hum a song. What the heck! I pretend not to hear it, but he keeps on going. I’m trying to concentrate on the song that’s playing on my iPod which is still plugged into my right ear. We’re only a couple of minutes from the station, when he gets up.
“I have to hurry to get my train”, he explains.
“Yeah”, I say, happy that the message finally seems to have come across. At the station I get off the bus, slowly making my way to the tracks. I’m relieved I finally got rid of him – for today.
I’m trying to be a good person. I really am! I’m trying to be friendly to everyone around me even when having a bad day. I hold doors open for the people behind me. I always say thank you, even to the unfriendliest salesperson. I help mothers carry strollers on trains. I offer my seat to people who need it. And I’m always wearing a smile on my face hoping it will make someone’s day. Since I’ve involuntarily met stalker guy a different side of me has come to surface, though. Sometimes it’s defensive, sometimes it’s just indifferent, but it’s always sending the same message: Leave me the fuck alone! I have no clue why he doesn’t get it. Underdeveloped social skills I guess. I know that he’s probably lonely and just looking for someone to talk to (even though I have spotted this dreamy smile on his face occasionally that wants to shout out “I love you” to the world – and makes me cringe everytime it appears).
I know I could just talk to him and pull out my boyfriend escape plan if it’s going into the wrong direction. But the thing is that we don’t have anything in common. He’s just a person I don’t want to interact with. It’s not just his looks which actually make me wonder what in the world makes him think I could like him. That’s a totally different story. But even when it’s just about talking we’re living in completely different universes and I’m 100 percent sure that there isn’t even the tiniest bridge that connects the two. I’m good at making small talk, I have to do it all the time for work. But when he says something I just don’t have anything to reply. There’s just annoyance inside of me. I don’t think it’s funny to tell a girl on the bus you’ve never met before how many bubbles she’s made with her gum. And no, I don’t think it’s better to commute 1,5 hours one way everyday than moving to Frankfurt. I actually love Frankfurt! And big cities! That’s why I’m moving, dude!
I’m pretty sure it doesn’t sound as bad as it feels to me right now and there are definitely way worse stalker guys out there. But it still annoys me, so much so that I’m having a tense feeling in my guts everytime I have to take the bus. And it also bugs me that I’ve had to show my little evil side so many times lately. Deep inside I am a good person. I really am! I’m sure stalker guy is too. Just in a different universe.