Last weekend was supposed to be a pure well of creativity for me. After a busy week with a heavy workload at the office and a business trip to Munich that left almost no room to work on my projects, I wanted those 2 days off to be all about productivity and advance. Despite all good intentions, I found myself sitting in my living room, miserable, annoying myself so much that I just wanted to close my eyes and hide under a blanket to never appear again. I had made a list of things I wanted to do that weekend, but I only ended up crossing off a few. And it took me forever to get started at all. I felt like something inside of me was holding me back, but I didn’t know what it was and how I could change it – until I dove back into my everyday life on Monday.
The train was pretty crowded that morning, so I squeezed myself into a corner and just watched people getting on and off and the landscape flying by outside. And suddenly, my creativity was flowing again. There were words flying around in my head like butterflies. I only had to grab them and form them into lyrics for the song I’d been stuck on. It was amazing! And it made me realize again that creativity is absolutely nothing you can control or plan on. It will come to you when the time is right and there’s just no use in sitting around and waiting for it to come to you. No matter how much we’d like it to be that way, it’s not.
What is in our control though is to dive into situations that help putting ourrself into the right mindset. Which is exactly what I tried to do today. As I’ve mentioned before, my mind starts to move when my body moves. Being on a train, a plane or a bus, walking or running always makes my thoughts go for a wander. I pretty much always end up in interesting places, sometimes strange, sometimes even scary. And I come back with something to work on, something worth to be further explored. So today didn’t seem to start off much better than last week. I had a weird night with not as much sleep as I’d wanted to get after another week of sleep deprivation. When I got up in the morning, I felt kinda energetic. I wanted to do something great. But after doing some tidying and lingering on the internet, I got really, really tired, so I put my deckchair on the terrace and took a nap in the sun. When I woke up again, it was already late afternoon and I still hadn’t done much. I could feel that familiar feeling of incredible discontent and annoyance crawling around somewhere deep inside of me. But this time I didn’t give in. I went for a walk instead.
It was a perfect spring day. Blue sky, the sun was shining and it was almost hot. I walked past fields and meadows, watched birds flying through the air, singing. I saw people walking their dogs or going for a run. I thought about a strange dream I’d had a couple of nights ago in which a friend of mine was drawing blood from my arm – as I said, there are strange places in my mind ;). I came to a crossroad and had to decide which way to go. I chose to walk into the woods which I usually never do on my own. I guess I’m a bit scared of walking around in the woods on my own, even though I know that there’s nothing to be scared of, really. It was nice walking past the trees looking out on the corn fields shining brightly in the sun. When I got home, I took out my little notebook and filled almost an entire page with ideas for lyrics and other stuff. I also came back with this post. So I guess what we all who want to create things need to do, is to live. Go out and experience the world. Open your eyes and take it all in. Then look inside your head and see what you can find. Sometimes it’s as easy as that :).
“I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”