First of all: Sorry for the long silence. It was totally unintended. But I’ve been stuck in one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride that I’m still trying to fight my way out of.
It all started 3 weeks ago when my colleague went on holiday and I was left all alone with our clients for the very first time. I knew it was my chance to shine. And I think I did quite well. But to be honest, it was tough! It wasn’t the amount of work that made it hard. I’m used to working lots and I don’t mind most of the time. I’m also good at multi-tasking and organizing myself. But this time I just felt like I wasn’t capable of organizing the chaos I was left in. Everytime I felt like I was finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, my clients were sure to give me some urgent tasks that had to be taken care of all at the same time. I can tell you, I was close to freaking out more than once. There were times when I wanted to lock myself in the toilet and never come out again. Or to scream into the phone and tell everybody to leave me alone. But of course, I didn’t. I went to work with my head up high and did my job with a smile on my face. And when I went home I screamed into my pillow until I was so tired all I could do was just lie on my bed and breathe.
But then there were those days when I was able to make some time for something I really love: music. I started to take singing lessons. It’s tough, too, because it feels like I’m starting from zero. But then I go home and sing – and everything sounds so much better than before. It’s amazing! I know it’s gonna be a long way full of hard work, but I’ll get there in the end. I’m sure I will. Then I went to see The All-American Rejects and Santigold live which were both amazing nights full of energy and emotions. And then there is this one thing I’m looking forward to the most, that I’m dreaming of when I should be working: band rehearsal. We are really at the start of something great here. I can feel it everytime I’m standing in front of the microphone and the guitar starts to play. And I’m lucky that I’ve found someone who feels the same, who shares the same vision and actually sees something in me that I don’t even see, yet.
These are the moments that I’m fighting for when everything seems to be moving too fast and there’s too much happening. It’s my rock in the river that keeps me from drowning. I do hope though that things will start to calm down a bit at work, so I can concentrate more on doing what I really love. It’s kinda funny how you think that things will get easier once you make a step forward, but instead they only get harder. But that’s just life, I guess. So all we can do is keep on fighting, right?