Lately, I’ve been feeling terribly out of balance. When I was at work, I was thinking about music and songwriting. When I was making music, I was thinking about all the things I had to do at work the next day. I felt bad for not writing a new blog post in ages, for not cleaning my apartment, for just being generallly exhausted. I can’t even say why I’ve been feeling this way. Things at work have been stressful at times, but I’ve had worse. And my adventures in music are going great. I should be having fun exploring new territory. But I just felt torn between everything happening in my life. The funny thing is that I’ve had some people telling me lately that they think I’m a strong person. I am most of the time, but there have been a couple of weak moments lately where I just wanted to give up on everything and just go back to my boring old life.
But being a strong person, I know what to do. I have to gain back my balance, so it’s a good thing that I’m currently having my much needed holiday. I’ve tried to get myself into a relaxed mood during the last couple of days. I went for nice walks in the sunshine, enjoying the late-summer atmosphere. I read. I surrounded myself with things (first and foremost music) and people I love. And I slept. Hell, how I did. On Sunday, I was convinced my alarm clock was damaged when I woke up and it said it was 1.45 p.m. I had slept for more than 13 hours without even waking up once! It was like my body and mind decided to shut themselves off from the world for a while, so I guess it was a good thing.
After 4 days away from the office, I can already feel how I’m slightly getting back into balance. While I was shopping today, there was a street musician playing in front of one of the big department stores. I know it’s just a song, but when I heard him singing “everything’s gonna be alright”, it somehow made me feel better. All day, I had been terribly nervous about my singing lesson that I had this evening. Because so far, I left every lesson feeling like a hopeless case with no musical talent. So today I went there with that lyric in mind, I gave my best and my teacher said: “You’re on the right way!” So, I guess once again it’s just putting one foot in front of the other, even when you’re in doubt or you want to give up. Because everything really is gonna be alright!
Tomorrow I’m leaving for Scotland which hopefully will help me to get fully back into balance. It will be good to get away from everday life for a while, even if it’s just for a week. Breath different air, see different things, just enjoy life. I can’t wait to explore this magical and inspiring place!