Last night I had the strangest dream. I was on a very, very high tower with a friend of mine. I’m not a very big fan of heights, so just being up there felt kinda scary. I have no idea how we got up there, but we were looking for a way to get down. There were only 2 ways: To jump or to use a very unsafe looking ladder that was attached to the outside of the tower and was hardly reachable from where we were standing. My friend said that she’d jumped from a height like that before. I asked if it didn’t hurt. She said, yes, but that it wasn’t too bad. So we stood up there, looking down all the way to the ground considering to jump. But I couldn’t get myself to do it. Then suddenly, we turned around and there was a normal looking staircase. There was a sign saying that it wasn’t permitted to use the staircase. But we did anyway. And that’s where my dream ended. Strange, huh!
When I woke up this morning I immediately remembered the dream and felt like it wanted to tell me something. That there had to be a meaning to it. And I still think so. I can’t remember my dreams that often. And most of the time it’s just a blurry mix-up that doesn’t really make sense. But this dream last night was so real. I could feel the fear. I could feel how hard it was to make a decision on which escape to take. And how relieved I was when we found the easy way down and how we didn’t care that we weren’t supposed to take it. So I spent all day today thinking about the meaning of this dream.
And I came to this: I exactly know what it relates to. Yesterday I found myself at a very low point. A result of stress, exhaustion, the feeling of being pushed into a role I don’t want to play anymore and a flaring cold which has been bugging me for the last days. In some ways, these days I’m feeling like I’m back to where I’ve been about a year ago. With the exception that now I know a lot clearer what I really want. And that I’ve found something that keeps me sane most of the time. I’m sorry that I have to speak somewhat in riddles here, but you never know who’s reading this. All I can say is that I don’t want to go on like this. And I can’t. I feel like I’m slowly suffocating and that’s a state I definitely won’t take much longer. So I need to look for a solution. Which is where the hard part begins. And probably what my dream relates to. I think what my dream – or my subconscious – was trying to tell me is something like: The forbidden path will be the right one. Or the right path is already there, but I have to be patient and take the fear for a little while longer to find it. Or maybe all of that. I don’t know. I guess I will ponder on this a while longer. Until I find the solution.
If you have any thoughts on this, let me know! And maybe listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you as well.