Monthly Archives: August 2013

Priorities

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Last night I finished reading “Charlotte Street” by Danny Wallace, one of my favourite authors who I love for his brilliant sense of humour and his witty writing style. I’ve read a couple of his non-fiction books before which usually deal with him starting out on some strange adventure and the events that unfold from there. Like tracking down his childhood mates. Or starting a cult. “Charlotte Street” is his first novel, so I was curious to see if I liked that one, too. Last night I turned the last page of said book. With tears in my eyes (which rarely ever happens, not with books). And a big smile on my face (which is just a sign of a damn good read). Because this wasn’t the average funny romance novel. This was a book about taking chances, about evolving and moving forward, and about not settling for the next best thing. Which is something I can relate to very well. There were aspiring rock bands and musicians in it as well which I could relate to even more. But anyway, I tried to sleep after I’d finished the book, but I couldn’t. My thoughts just kept circling about in my head. I actually wrote half of this post in my mind last night because I needed to direct them somewhere.

What stuck with me was that it’s ok to lose track of things sometimes. Your priorities, the direction your live is going. That it’s ok to mess up sometimes. Or fail. Because sometimes greater things come out of it. And in the end, things will fall into place. You may call it fate. Or your subconscious directing you. Or whatever. But that’s the way the world works. At least for people who strive for something, even if they’re not quite sure what exactly they’re striving for. At the moment I feel like I’m in a phase where things are starting to fall into place again. After what seems to be a period of disorientation and losing sight of priorities. There were a couple of things that happened this week which absolutely made me certain of this.

First is: we had a rehearsal with a young drummer this week. And by young I mean really young. Like half my age young. We’d met up with her and her Dad (who wanted to make sure we’re not some crazy lunatics his daughter got to know on the interwebs) a while ago and this week we finally managed to set up a proper rehearsal. And what can I say, that kid rocked it! Like big time. I mean we’ve had drummers before with decades of experience that weren’t as good as her. She just immediately got the hang of our songs. Of course, it sounded chaotic and off at times, but with a little practice I know we can turn this into the diamond that’s still trapped under the harsh surface right now. Again, I heard what our songs could sound like if we just put in a little more work. And that made me utterly excited. Because they’re good. They have potential. I know that and I want to turn them into a shining diamond one day and show them to the world. Of course, having an underage band member will cause problems of some sort one day. I’m aware of that and we talked about this. But who knows what will come of it. Who knows what might evolve from this. So I wanna take this chance while it’s there.

Second is: we had a significant change of travel plans. Originally we had intended to do a little European road trip with our car and a guitar this fall. You know, just going wherever the road takes us. Maybe playing some street gigs or Open Mics or whatever opportunities there are for us. 2 weeks of vagabond life. The core of this hasn’t change much actually. But instead of travelling through Belgium and France and the likes, we’re going to make the leap over the big pond. The boyfriend is going on a business trip to the US for a couple of weeks soon and I’ll join him for a trip to the Chicago/Great Lakes area at the end of it. And we’ll take our music with us. We’d actually thought about taking the guitar to Canada on our holiday earlier this year, but kinda didn’t want to pay the charges for taking a musical instrument on the plane. But since the boyfriend’s company will pay for his flight, we’ll afford it this time. So instead of a budget trip in order to save money for our upcoming move, we’re now going overseas again. In only 6 weeks. And I’m departing on my birthday. I’m so excited about this! This is gonna make for some great adventures for sure and I’ll definitely share them all with you here. So yeah, we’re moving forward. One way or the other. And it feels great!

Oh, and don’t forget to check out “Charlotte Street” if you like a good read that might stick with you for a little bit. There’s gonna be a new book I’ve heard, so hurry up!

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Where I am

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On the way home from work earlier today, I sat on the train staring out of the window into the darkness of the underground tunnel. And suddenly it hit me. I’m so happy right now! Not for one particular reason. Just overall happy with where I’m at in my life at this very moment. And that feels damn good! When I walked home under the grey sky through the streets that were still wet from the previous rain I thought how this year has really been a fight for me in some ways. And how well life has treated me in other ways. I mean I feel like I went through what’s been one of the darkest times of my life with my breakdown and all. And it took me a long while to dig myself out of that black hole. I actually don’t like dealing with myself when I’m not fine. And more than that I hate to show that I’m not fine. Noone does probably. But this time I had to deal with it. For my own sake and the sake of others. And to be honest, it was a great chance. Over time I had accumulated a lot of rage. Because I felt I was forced into that situation and that I had no chance to change it. And all that rage sucked the last bit of energy out of me. Which meant that not only did I have no energy at work. It also affected my private life because I also didn’t have the energy to do the things I love. Or at least not to the extent I wanted to. Which made me even more outraged.

It took a long time to get that rage under control. To get back into balance. And I couldn’t have done it without all the amazing things that have happened in my life at the same time. Sometimes I can’t believe how blessed I am. Like seriously! We’ve been really living this summer. We’ve been to concerts, festivals, in the nature, on short trips, a wedding. And all this while I’m living in a relationship that’s all I’ve ever dreamed of and more. Speaking of that, the most exciting thing probably is that we’ve decided to move in together. To be honest, when I was single I couldn’t understand how people could decide on moving together within the first year of a relationship. Just because I couldn’t imagine I could ever be capable of feeling this strongly for someone. It was just a natural decision because it really is how people say: Love is not who you can see yourself with. It’s who you can’t see yourself without. And again we’ve been extremely lucky. We’ve scored this amazing apartment in a newly constructed building right by the river. It’s gonna be a dream and I can’t wait to finally move in and make it our home.

I got back up again and I’m ready for the next adventures! There’s plenty to come fore sure. I’ll keep you posted!