Where I am

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On the way home from work earlier today, I sat on the train staring out of the window into the darkness of the underground tunnel. And suddenly it hit me. I’m so happy right now! Not for one particular reason. Just overall happy with where I’m at in my life at this very moment. And that feels damn good! When I walked home under the grey sky through the streets that were still wet from the previous rain I thought how this year has really been a fight for me in some ways. And how well life has treated me in other ways. I mean I feel like I went through what’s been one of the darkest times of my life with my breakdown and all. And it took me a long while to dig myself out of that black hole. I actually don’t like dealing with myself when I’m not fine. And more than that I hate to show that I’m not fine. Noone does probably. But this time I had to deal with it. For my own sake and the sake of others. And to be honest, it was a great chance. Over time I had accumulated a lot of rage. Because I felt I was forced into that situation and that I had no chance to change it. And all that rage sucked the last bit of energy out of me. Which meant that not only did I have no energy at work. It also affected my private life because I also didn’t have the energy to do the things I love. Or at least not to the extent I wanted to. Which made me even more outraged.

It took a long time to get that rage under control. To get back into balance. And I couldn’t have done it without all the amazing things that have happened in my life at the same time. Sometimes I can’t believe how blessed I am. Like seriously! We’ve been really living this summer. We’ve been to concerts, festivals, in the nature, on short trips, a wedding. And all this while I’m living in a relationship that’s all I’ve ever dreamed of and more. Speaking of that, the most exciting thing probably is that we’ve decided to move in together. To be honest, when I was single I couldn’t understand how people could decide on moving together within the first year of a relationship. Just because I couldn’t imagine I could ever be capable of feeling this strongly for someone. It was just a natural decision because it really is how people say: Love is not who you can see yourself with. It’s who you can’t see yourself without. And again we’ve been extremely lucky. We’ve scored this amazing apartment in a newly constructed building right by the river. It’s gonna be a dream and I can’t wait to finally move in and make it our home.

I got back up again and I’m ready for the next adventures! There’s plenty to come fore sure. I’ll keep you posted!

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