!!!Attack!!!

Do you know that feeling when everything just seems to be a little too much? When you just want to dig a hole and disappear from the world to never come back? I have to admit that there have been quite a few situations over the past few weeks when I wanted to do exactly that. First of all, there’s my new job that’s been quite challenging lately.  And that’s exactly what I wanted when I took it. But when you’re new to a company that works totally different from what you’re used to, when you’re thrown into client work with noone really telling you what you’re supposed to do, there can be moments when you just want to throw your papers on the ground and lock yourself in the toilet to cry for a little while. At least, that’s how I felt. I actually did sit on the toilet with tears in my eyes once. Not because I was sad or desperate. Because I was furious about the situation. I hate being clueless more than anything in the world. It slows me down in my work and makes me vulnerable to mistakes. But I didn’t give up. I worked my way through it, I pretended to know everything when I actually didn’t at all – and now, after a few weeks, I see a lot clearer. It’s not perfect yet, but I’m sure I’ll get there. And what’s most important: I will grow through this experience. If someone throws you into the water, you have to swim. Move forward and don’t look back. That’s what I’m doing, even if the water is so cold that it hurts. There’s no way I’m drowning!

Then there’s my move that’s taken up a lot of my free time lately. I’ve been meeting my realtor, my new landlord, my old landlord, organising movers, packing boxes, throwing half my stuff out – and there’s still so much to do until I’ll finally move on the weekend. Even though my back already hurts like hell from rummaging around all evening, I know what I’m doing it for. I can’t wait until my new life finally begins. There’s going to be a lot more free time – which leads me to the next busy part of my life. It’s really funny how nothing seems to work right when I’m having a lot of time on my hands. And when I’m busy as hell, there’s suddenly a progress. One of my private projects (some people might actually call them dreams) has really taken a step forward lately. I’ve been waiting for this for quite a while, so I was overly excited when the progress came. Then I realized that there couldn’t have been a worse time. But the time is never right and when dreams knock on your door, you don’t just tell them to come back another time. Because they won’t. So I jumped right in. I was supposed to have a meeting this week which was postponed to next week – lucky me! I know I would’ve rocked it anyway. But for such an important event I definitely prefer a week  that doesn’t involve 2 business trips and a move on the side. I will definitely let you know how it went. When the time is right. Until then, I will leave you with some lyrics I wrote during that busy mess my life was over the past weeks. It’s what I learned from it all. Because everything happens for a reason. So think about it (and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments)!

Chase me and I’ll attack
Beat me and I’ll rise above
Destroy me and I’ll resurrect